Until the End
by Abarai Starsha
Summary: He loves her but she keeps pushing him away.  What is she hiding?


**AN: Can't get this scene out of my head… Needed to write it out so I can continue with my other projects… **

**I don't own Bleach or its characters, but I am saving my pennies to make an offer – I have 4 so far.**

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Until The End

By: Abarai Starsha

"What's this I hear about you resigning from the Gotei 13?" He demanded in that cold tone of his. His teal eyes met and bore through her violet orbs. He wanted answers, needed answers.

"Don't you know how to knock, Hitsugaya-taicho?" Rukia responded as she stood up from her desk. She broke eye contact as she coughed.

"Answer me," his voice tightened.

Rukia regained her composure and sighed. "It's true. I will no longer go on any missions. I'll be around to help out with paperwork, but for the most part, I will no longer be a Shinigami," she said sadly.

"I don't understand."

"What difference does it make to you?" she said as her anger kicked in.

"The difference is that I thought I meant something to you. If you've started thinking about something like this I would have liked to have heard about it from you, not Kenpachi!"

Rukia huffed, then coughed some more. Toshiro's eyes narrowed.

She looked away. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. You've been really busy lately and with Momo getting out of the 4th, you haven't really been around."

"So this is my fault!" he said, angrier than before.

"Fault? What are you talking about?"

"You just said it! You would have told me if I was around more. Well excuse me for being busy! Some of us have to work harder to fill in for those lost in the war. We all can't just turn in our Zanpaktous and turn our backs on those left behind!"

Rukia looked as if he slapped her. She took a deep breath and narrowed her eyes. "If that's what you think, then you can get out!" She replied. Fire burned in her eyes as she pointed to the door.

"That's just it, Rukia! I don't know what to think!" He sighed and he ran his hand through his hair. Instead of leaving, he took a seat in front of her desk where she was still standing, still pointing at the door.

Rukia closed her eyes and dropped her hand.

"I've wanted to tell you for the past few days. It's not as if I haven't tried, like I said, you've been very busy and when I tried to catch you after work, you were already gone to be with Momo."

Toshiro leaned forward in his chair and captured her hands. He gently rubbed the backs of them with his thumbs. He looked up at her.

"Rukia, you mean more to me than anyone I have ever known. If there's ever anything you need to talk to me about, you know I will drop everything and listen."

"But I don't…I didn't…" She was silently cursing herself as tears were forming in her eyes. She bit her lip to prevent them from falling.

Toshiro stood up and pulled her small frame into his. He let go of her hands and wrapped himself around her. He smiled at the thought of him finally being taller as he held her close.

At first Rukia responded, letting him hold her. She closed her eyes and relished the feel of him as the battle in her mind began. She loved how she felt in his arms. She had missed him a lot over the past few weeks. Since Momo regained consciousness, he'd been gone a lot more to be by her side. He still felt a lot of guilt due to what happened during the war. Rukia knew he needed to be with Momo but a part of her wanted him for herself. That was the part she had to battle. It would be so easy to tell him how she felt. That she returned the feelings she knew he had for her. But then what? They could never be together, never have what he once had with Momo. He could build that again…

"Rukia," he whispered as he moved his head so he could look at her again. How he loved her eyes. "What is going on?"

She looked at her hands before placing them on his chest. How she could easily spend the rest of her days in his arms. She shook her head. It wasn't fair to him. She couldn't bring him down.

"It's late, Momo is expecting you," she said as she gently pushed him away.

"Why are you doing this?"

"What?"

"Why are you pushing me away?" He asked.

"Because things are different now. Momo is awake and needs you. We can't…"

"We can't what? Tell me you don't feel the same for me?"

"It doesn't matter what I feel."

"What you feel is all that matters, Rukia!"

"Toshiro," she looked at him as tears filled her eyes, "It's just better this way."

He put his hands on her shoulders and forced her to look at him.

"Tell me you feel nothing for me and I'll let you go."

She looked into his teal eyes and knew she couldn't lie. She couldn't let him go, Lord help her, but she couldn't. She threw herself at him and wrapped her small arms around his neck and buried her face into his neck.

Toshiro released the breath he was holding and wrapped his arms around her and held her small, shaking body.

"I'm s-sorry. You're r-right. I have b-been push-pushing you away."

"Shh, it's ok."

"No, no it's not o-ok."

"But if you feel the same…?"

"It's not as simple as that," she said as she pulled away. She dried her eyes and looked at him.

"Why isn't it? Is it because of Momo? You know why I have to be with her."

"Which is all the more reason you should _be_ with her. You know she loves you."

"I don't feel the same. Rukia, you – "

"No," she pulled away, shaking her head. She started coughing again. Toshiro was getting irritated. She had feelings for him but she didn't want him. She loved being a Shinigami but she was quitting. He came to get answers and all he got were more questions.

"It's almost time for her therapy, you need to get going," Rukia whispered.

"This conversation isn't over. You didn't tell me why you're quitting the Gotei 13."

Rukia sighed as she closed her eyes. "Have lunch with me tomorrow then."

"Our usual spot?" He asked.

"Yes."

* * *

Toshiro waited by a pond hidden behind the training grounds of his division. It was here he and Rukia became fast friends after the war. He had told her about Momo, she told him about Kaien. Days went by and with each they would learn more and more about each other. It didn't take Toshiro long to become captivated by her. Her smile, the way it just brightened the day was amazing. Her eyes were like liquid pools to her soul. The depths were endless. He could spend an eternity just looking into them.

Sighing he checked the sun. She was two hours late. He was irritated. Why would she make a date with him and then not show up? Was she trying to make him hate her or something? Screw it, he didn't have time to figure it out as he had to get back to work.

Storming into his office he sat down at his desk. Matsumoto looked over at him from her position on the couch.

"Bad lunch?"

"Why are you not working?" he grumbled.

"Bad lunch," she said as she got up from the couch. "I received a message that they were moving Momo's therapy up several hours this afternoon. It'll be in a half hour."

Toshiro looked at her and sighed. "Fine." He stood up and made his way to the door.

"You know how she looks forward to your visits," she said smiling at him. She received a grunt in return as he left.

* * *

Toshiro walked into the 4th Division medical building and noticed Renji was standing outside of one of the exam rooms.

"Abarai," he said.

"Hitsugaya-taicho! I didn't know you were going to be here."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because she said you wouldn't come."

"Of course I would. I've been coming here ever since she woke up." He said, looking confused.

"Since she woke up? I beg your pardon, but she just got here today."

"Who are you talking about, Abarai?"

"Rukia, sir. Who are you talking about?" Toshiro's eyes grew big.

"Why is Rukia here?"

"You mean you don't know?" asked the red head.

Unohana came through the hallway and looked at the two men.

"Hitsugaya-san, Hinamori-kun is waiting for you in her usual room," she said quietly.

"Why is Rukia here?" he asked. Unohana and Renji exchanged looks. Toshiro heard Rukia coughing from behind the exam room door. Deciding he wasn't going to get what he wanted standing there, he turned and went into Rukia's room.

She looked tiny and vulnerable dressed in a white kimono. She was sitting up on the exam bed, coughing; only this time, Toshiro noticed the red fluid leaking between her fingers. Blood.

His eyes grew wide as he rushed to her side.

"Rukia!" He rubbed her back as she finished getting through her coughing fit. She looked at him apologetically.

"I'm sorry…I missed…our lunch," she said as she panted, trying to catch her breath.

His voice full of concern, "What happened?" He took a rag from the nightstand and dipped it into the basin of water sitting next to it. He wrung it out and took her hands.

Rukia bowed her head. "I, uh, passed out after coughing this morning. I was found and brought here." Toshiro finished cleaning her hands and looked at her.

"Tell me. This has something to do with you quitting, doesn't it?" He set the bloodied towel aside and held her hands, "This has something to do with why you've been pushing me away?"

Tears started to well in her eyes as she nodded. She bit her lip, holding them in. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"It's the same illness my sister had. Apparently it's hereditary and there's nothing they can do to stop it." Rukia sniffed and looked him in the eye, "I'm dying, Toshiro."

Toshiro felt his world instantly narrow. He was finding it hard to breathe. Dying? Shock hurt and anger flooded his mind as he tried to grasp onto something and regain control. Shock: she was dying. Hurt; why didn't she tell him before? Anger: at her for not telling him and at himself for being so helpless. He needed air, he couldn't breathe. He let go of her hands and stumbled to her door.

"Toshiro?" Rukia called after him, but he was already through the door without so much as a word or a glance. Rukia brought her knees to her chest and let the tears she was holding, fall.

* * *

He rushed past an angry Renji and a stunned Unohana and left the building. He continued to run, not caring where he was going. He just had to get away, had to get his thoughts together. Dying. His heart clenched at the word. Rukia was dying. His breath hitched as he felt his cheeks get wet. Impossible. She was young, she was vibrant, she was beautiful and strong. Toshiro stopped and saw that he was at "their" place behind the training grounds. He dropped to his knees and held his head in his hands. This wasn't happening.

After some time and after regaining some control, he looked up at the pond.

"Remember when we froze it so we could ice skate?" Asked Rukia in a soft voice. Toshiro whirled around to see Renji set her down. He gave Toshiro a "don't you fuck this up" glare before backing away, giving them time to themselves.

Rukia reached the spot where Toshiro was still kneeling and sat down next to him. "For being an ice wielder you couldn't skate for shit," he said as he still looked at the pond.

"Yeah, but it didn't take me long to learn, did it?"

"No," he said quietly, "it didn't and soon you were dancing just as gracefully on the ice as you do off of it." Rukia blushed.

She put her hand on his leg and looked at him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I couldn't bear to see you upset, like this, knowing I was the reason for it. I thought…I thought that if you spent more time with Momo that I could just fade into the background. You wouldn't miss me as much. But then…"

"Then?"

"Then you started therapy with her and actually did start spending more and more time with her. I…didn't like that either. It's selfish of me, I know. I should just let you go and not look back, but…"

Toshiro sat down and pulled her onto his lap and held her.

"Rukia, I've told you before you are the most important person in my life. You don't get to decide what is best for me, understand?" He could feel her nod as she buried her face into his chest. He stroked her hair as he continued. "I love you. I don't know when it happened, but it has. I'm not about to let you go. I don't care if you have 100 years or 100 days or 100 minutes, I want to spend them all with you, if you'll let me."

She sniffed and tilted her head up so she could look at him. "Toshiro?"

He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. Her eyes closed as she returned the pressure. She shifted in his lap so that she faced him. He pulled her closer into him and deepened the kiss. He opened his mouth slightly and let his tongue trace the outline of her lips, asking for entrance. She let out a soft moan as her lips parted. Her tongue met his as they caressed each other.

Breaking for air, Toshiro looked at her intently. "Marry me, now. Today. We can go see the old man and have him join us this evening. Or tomorrow if you want."

Her eyes widened, "That's crazy!"

"So is quitting the Gotei 13 and deciding who I should spend my life with."

"I…ut…Ok!" she said smiling at him. "Let's do it!"

Toshiro returned the smile before holding her close again. He wasn't going to let her push him away again. This time, he would be with her until the end.

_~FIN~_


End file.
